2023 was a season of immense change for me personally and professionally. The summer in particular packed a series of punches. Some were out of the blue. Others had been winding up for a while and finally landed. Some punches were to the gut. Others the heart, but all led to something more beautiful than I could've ever imagined.
But you're not here to read vague analogies as to what the heck happened to me. You're here (I think? I hope?) to read advice in a tidy bullet pointed list that may have an impact, or at least while away a few moments as you wait for the coffee to brew, or the grocery store line to get shorter. (Please don't tell me if you read this in the restroom. I won't be able to handle it).
Heads up, aka disclaimer: I can't guarantee what I've learned will impact anyone who reads this, but I can't let these things swirl in my head if it could help another human going through stuff.
- This is the part where my mind went blank. I was all primed to write the first point and then POOF. Thoughts gone.
- Op...found it! Boundaries. I have learned that setting and keeping them are INCREDIBLY important. As a semi-reformed people pleaser [maybe a comma here?] I am super annoyed it took me all the way to 2023 (better late than never?) to realize boundaries are a form of self-love. Also, respecting other people's boundaries is a form of loving others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going around disrespecting boundaries. I simply meant I finally realized what it means when those are implemented and observed in healthy ways in my personal life. Yay for growth!
- Vegetables and laughter are important to ingest on the regular. Not necessarily in that order. Also, don't expect your vegetables to make you laugh. Have you heard a snow pea tell a joke? Me either. Although, I hear kale is pretty humorous. Especially when one utters "What the kale?" with a confused look.
- "What is meant for you will find you." I don't know who said this, but I firmly believe it. However, this does not relinquish one's responsibilities in life. Sure, things can be meant to find. But, (hot take here) aren't those things which are meant to find supposed to find one who is prepared to receive in whatever form that may be? Regardless of where you fall on the line of that debate, the point I was making is that although 2023 was a rollercoaster, I'm glad where I ended up. I've learned invaluable lessons, and have amazing people, and opportunities in my life that wouldn't have come around otherwise.
- Sort of like soft boiled eggs.... Speaking only for myself and my experiences: I'm grateful that what I've dealt with this year has only continued to increase my compassion both in breadth and depth. While I've had hard years before, this one was certainly one for the books. And like the subtitle suggests, we don't want to be so soft that our yolk runs all over and we lose ourselves. But we also don't want to harden ourselves to the point that it takes A LOT to crack us open....
- Give grace. Giving grace to others hasn't been an issue. Giving grace to myself though? Definitely learning that more and more with each passing year.
- "Shine bright like a diamond." Self-worth issues are a tricky thing sometimes. I find affirmations to be quite helpful in that department. I also have a kickass therapist, which I'm fortunate to have, who helps me with this. I also have kickass friends and loved ones. They like to remind me I'm awesome. In return, I like to remind them of their awesomeness. Additionally, I learned I shouldn't let others dull my shine. It sucks when it happens, makes me unhappy, and takes a long time to polish up.
- Sometimes it's not personal. Spoiler alert: I'm still working on this one. But I have made leaps and bounds and I'm proud of my progress. Anyone else also working on this? Something I've learned is that sometimes people who've experienced trauma will interpret neutral responses as negative ones.
- Take care of yourself first, then help others. Again, as a semi-reformed people pleaser, this is a lesson I keep being smacked over the head with year after year. Guess who REALLY got a dose of it in 2023? Yep. Moi. Side note: I saw a post on Instagram recently that expressed the importance of this point and at the end stated to fill others with your overflow. That hit me in the feels as the kids say. I'd never stopped to think I could build an overflow from which to give. I was giving from a partially full cup. Mind blown.
- Read more, you won't regret it. While I love to read, and have been an avid reader since childhood, I'd gotten into a bit of a slump. Thankfully, 2023 blessed me with getting through that slump, and also the origin of said slump. And I was able to experience the joy of reading, as I'd forgotten how amazing it felt. I also learned that I LOVE to read in public and have made a habit of doing so.
- Finding/rediscovering yourself is an experience to savor, along with the varied emotions it brings. I had a professor at Mizzou who said you're a different person every day. Well, he's not wrong. I didn't realize rediscovering myself would sometimes bring about sadness, feelings of bittersweet, feelings of resentment, feelings of grief. Whether it's remembering I liked something that had gotten buried for various reasons, or finding out something NEW about myself (I enjoy karaoke. I like the music of Harry Styles), or even evolving something within me, it's a bit like a never ending puzzle. It's a beautiful thing.
- Fear isn't a reason to not jump. While this is a lesson I learned years ago, it came back to teach me a new facet this year. For context, I am the youngest of three. And a bit of stereotype with that is one who takes risks. And yes, there are many times I leapt headfirst (and headstrong) into something with only my curiosity and a belief all would be well to guide me. But sometimes there was a little bit of fear. But fear didn't stop me, and I'm happy to report all those leaps worked out. Whether it was moving across country (multiple times!), starting a podcast, or trying new foods, or any number of things I won't mention here for privacy and brevity's sake, fear didn't hold me back. Aside: I love buffalo wings and am glad I finally decided a few years ago to try them. This has since expanded to Tabasco sauce, which tastes amazing on breakfast foods. BTW, breakfast is my fave meal of the day.
Anyway, back to my point.... I took a lot of leaps in 2023 that I didn't ever think I'd encounter. I faced a lot of fears I hadn't experience before. Some which had me re-evaluating things I thought I *knew* to my core. Yet still, I jumped. And I'm so, so glad I did.
Best wishes and happy leaping in 2024.
Tammy
P.S. Cathy, Jack, and Liz, if any of you have read this I apologize for the commas. The lack-or perhaps overabundance-of them. You decide. It's a fun game. Oscar Wilde enjoyed it greatly.
P.P.S. THANK YOU to all the lovely people near and far who practically came out of the woodwork to support me this year in all the ways. We are all stronger when we rise together.
